Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
