By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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