Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
