Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Is Oprah even human
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
