Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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