Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
