What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just found a bag of teeth...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
