How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
