dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
