I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I think people are normalizing furries
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
