Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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