Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
