i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
