Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
