I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
