you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
