Only a mothe r could love this liver
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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