If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
