"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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