my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
