So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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