then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
