How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
