What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
