it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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