Swine flu. Run for my life!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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