I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
