I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
