id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
