can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
A+ Viking dick
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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