Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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