are you still at the devil's house?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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