Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
