In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
