How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
