Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
