Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Someone signed my nipple.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
