He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
