please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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