I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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