I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
