IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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