I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
