No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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