I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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