I met the friendliest cop last night
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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