If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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