I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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