JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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