First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
