Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
