you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
